"i'm thinking over it. i think too much."

i’ve been nursing this hangover for the past several days. my body’s been cracking with every move i make and my skull feels like its full of bees. it’s okay though—sometimes i think mondays are supposed to feel this way. not having class until tuesday, mondays have become my sundays. i always wake up on this particular day of the week in the same peculiar mood. i don’t have the right word for it. i don’t even really know how to explain it. jamie keeps telling me, “kc, you internalize everything.” and i know she’s right. my mind is always racing. Constantly. i am endlessly taking in every moment—every detail that i can possibly retain, and then i let it all play over and over and over again in my head trying to analyze it. pick it apart. scrutinize every last second until i've twisted it all to make sense to my own disturbingly distorted reality. it makes me a paranoid person. it gives me insomnia. i feel like i just cant sit still anymore. i've just stopped opening up to everyone. all the people i hold close, the friends i should be able to say absolutely anything to.. they're all left in the dark about what i'm actually feeling at least ninety-five percent of the time. and i know it's making me insane__. i complain about feeling removed, but it's my own fault. i made it this way. and now i just need to figure out how to reverse that. nearly everything about this weekend was unexpected. maybe that’s why i’m in a especially apprehensive mood today-- because i just haven’t been able to make sense of it all yet. i feel intensely happy and irrationally despondent simultaneously.
my stomach is in knots.
my heart is in my mouth.
i’m on tenterhooks.
het up.
strung out.

having kittens.




"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No, no, no

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you'd do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid get

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind

[Monsieur, Monsieur, Monsieur, how about another one?]"