"now that you feel it/ You don't."

[it's
difficult
to
type
with
a
cat
blocking
your
monitor.]
_________________ . .


i know i sound like a broken record lately, but it seems to be an issue that has been coming up more and more frequently in conversation. i've grown to constantly avoid being alone. i can't be at home for more than a short while. i always need to be surrounded by my friends or i begin to sink into a foul state of mind where i question everything i should trust. [ever-surrounded by people and empty bottles.] but the fucked up thing about it is that i never let my guard down. i'm always shielded. even when i try to open up, it's never one hundred percent. how is it possible to be so dependent on others, but not really ever let them in?

i love.
love.
love.
but i wont let myself feel loved.